I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize