haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
