I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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