I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
