she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
