she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
