I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
