Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
