If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
