my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
