I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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