Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
