It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
