p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
