It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
