is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
