Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
