Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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