And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just cut my nipple shaving
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
