butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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