I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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