True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize