i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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