thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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