Only a mothe r could love this liver
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
