the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
