Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
