I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
