I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
