How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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