I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
