I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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