Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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