I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
