Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
