I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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