tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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