I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
