; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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