i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
