That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
