Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
