I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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