yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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