I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
