omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
