Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
