I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I will be naked everywhere
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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