You just made me feel so damn special
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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