i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
