I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
