Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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