Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
