Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
