I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
