My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just gargled with NyQuil
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
