bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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