I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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