Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's blow job season.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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