I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
is it fun? or sober?
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