this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
