; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
