What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
