3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
