I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
