Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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