Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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