I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
sarcasm needs its own font
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
