what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
where does the pee come out of this thing
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
