i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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