i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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