My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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