Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
