I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
