see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
