some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
